Wonderland? Wait What?
by ChasingDreamsLikeAnIdiot
Summary: While out on recon, Deidara happens across a strange sight. Follow the white rabbit and you get a hell of a lot more than you bargained for! He must now work with Sasori to save Wonderland and escape it at the same time, while surviving horrifying trials, embarrassment galore and maybe even learn a thing or two about friends and why you need them along the way!
1. Prologue- Fluffy Bunnies Are Pure Evil!

_**Hey everyone! This is going to be a multiple chapter fic, I've wanted to do this for ages so now you're blessed with this! Based off of Alice in Wonderland, I've simply thrown the Akatsuki into the fray as the important characters with Deidara and Sasori leading the charge since they are my favourites and I enjoy writing them. Updates may be frequent at the start but may slow down, as I have exams in two weeks so I'm very busy.**_

_**Now Sasori! Disclaimer if you please!**_

_**Sasori: But the brat's the main character...  
Authoress: Just do it Puppet boy!  
Sasori: *sigh* Chasing doesn't own the Akatsuki or any of the Alice in Wonderland characters. All rights go to their respective owners and creators.  
Authoress: Now was that so hard? Of course not!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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Deidara couldn't remember the last time he had been so horrifically bored on a mission. Normally, he was pretty darn good at entertaining himself, whether by flying around, sculpting on the go or pissing off his partner Sasori, his ability to preoccupy himself was borderline uncanny. But today, his lack of attention span was plaguing him with a vengeance.

Recon had never been his strong point, regardless of him being extremely well equipped for it; the fact that he possessed the attention span of a brick never helped. He sort of just winged it (literally) figuring that if something was off, Sasori would notice or it would be so big, he couldn't miss it. He stopped under a dense tree next to a small river, trying to figure out how far he was from the base. He had been out for most of the morning with Sasori, hanging around the forest which held one of the Akatsuki's several bases around the hidden continent.

Speaking of Sasori, the blonde began to wonder where he was. Expanding his chakra, he searched around a bit, hoping to pinpoint him somewhere in the general vicinity. After a few moments of searching, he found his partner's chakra emitting from a location a few miles west of him.

'May as well go link up un,' he thought to himself, creating a bird and hopping onto the back of his clay creation. He always enjoyed flying, the feeling of the wind whipping through his hair, that sense of freedom that came with leaving the ground, severing all ties and soaring away from your problems; it was almost poetic, if Deidara had any patience for poetry. Words that stay couldn't ever be true art after all.

Spotting the bulky mass of black and red shuffling along on the ground, Deidara swooped down, circling a few times before landing the beast with expert precision and an unnatural elegance for such a sizable creature.

"Hey Danna," he called, reconnecting with the forest floor, "Are we almost done yet? I'm getting kinda hungry and nothings out here un."

Hiruko swung around awkwardly, metal tail coiled menacingly as Sasori glared at the blonde, although he couldn't see it.

"We will go back when we have finished searching every inch of this forest," he replied coldly, "If you have completed your portions, wait here for me. I still have a few miles to check."

The blonde scoffed a little, dropping himself against the base of a wide, knotted tree as he glared at his partner.

"Thought you hated to keep people waiting un!" he uttered dryly, raising his visible eyebrow in an air of smug conviction, "Why don't you lose the ugly puppet and you'll move a lot faster."

Sasori growled, the metal tail flexing threateningly above the hunched shell. Deidara always knew where to strike to evoke reactions, and he enjoyed doing it. Something the puppeteer despised about him, especially when his favourite puppet was involved.

"You would do well to show some respect Deidara," he growled, spitting out the name like something foul, "You know what this puppet can do; especially after the number of times I've had to waste my antidotes on you."

Deidara scowled, rolling his visible eye and waving a hand dismissively. The tongue didn't fail to poke cheekily out of his palm mouth, succeeding in irking the redhead even more, tail twitching, contemplating the worth of losing more poison to his bratty partner.

"Yeah right, that was twice Danna," he snapped, "And once was for nothing un! Maybe I accidently _breathed _within your general vicinity? Well, apologies for being _human_."

The blonde had perhaps five seconds to roll away from the poisoned jab that smashed at the tree trunk directly where his heart had been. A fire lit behind his azure pools, a defiant pleasure that came only from pushing people to the edge of their patience and over it.

Deidara was crouched several metres away from the now seething puppet master, a wide smirk twisting his face, one hand poised and ready to grab clay if he needed it. Wordlessly, Hiruko retracted its tail from the shattered wood, curling it back onto itself, reflecting an edgy scorpion. Sasori turned his puppet around and lumbered away, leaving Deidara alone in the clear with his rapid heartbeat.

"Un," he grumbled, letting his form flop to the ground and into a more comfortable position. He realised, sitting on the rather uncomfortable ground, that he was bored again, his fun having been brief and only slightly satisfying.

He leaned against the now broken tree, careful of any splinters that could cut him since they would be coated in poison. Once settled, he began to sculpt anything that came to mind. He must have zoned out as when he focused back in on his creation, a small white rabbit was nestled in his artistic hands. Frowning a little, he went to squash it into something new, when a flash of white came into view.

A rabbit, much like the sculpture and darted out from some bushes. It stood on its hind legs, staring at him with glinting violet eyes. It would have reminded him of Hidan, if it weren't for the pink floral waistcoat and golden pocket watch. Deidara narrowed his eyes slightly at the odd sight, deciding to check it out; after all he was on recon and anything out of the ordinary was supposed to be investigated. This seemed to count towards that.

Getting to his feet swiftly, the blonde crept closer to the rabbit, clay at the ready. The rabbit turned its head and with a distasteful look, began to _speak_.

"You're hardly a fucking ninja!" it snapped grumpily, "You're so damn loud, I coulda heard you a fucking mile away!"

Deidara started; the damn thing _sounded _like Hidan!

"Yeah, well you're a fucking rabbit un!" he snapped, stomping closer to it. The rabbit snickered and scampered off into the underbrush of the forest. Deidara scowled, racing after it, hot on its heels.

"Where did you go un?" he muttered aloud, extremely pissed off that a rodent could give him the slip.

"Over here you stupid fuck!" it shouted, thumping its hind leg on a log. The blonde raced over just in time to see it scurry down a large rabbit hole, situated at the base of a fallen tree, with dirt piled around it. The blonde leaned in to see if he could see the stupid little rat.

As he leaned forward, something slammed into his back, winding him and sending him head first down the rabbit hole. With a yell, he realised he was falling down much farther than a rabbit hole should go. Squeezing his eyes shut, he waited for the pain of the sudden stop at the bottom, a small murmur in the back of his mind wondering if Sasori would even think to look for him down a rabbit hole.

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_**More to come! I just need to type the first chapter up. Hope you like the idea and stay tuned!**_


	2. Down Down Down the Hole We Go

_**Hey, I told you so! Here is the first official chapter after that prologue! Sorry this took a wee bit longer, my computer kept dying and my charger is broken :/**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**_

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Falling down that rabbit hole was definitely not on Deidara's to-do list that day…or any other day for that matter!

With a groan, a grunt and then a wince, the blonde pushed himself up off the ground, reaching a hand up to cradle his throbbing skull. His hand gingerly touched against his hair, which for some reason, was standing completely up straight and tall…

Widening his blue eyes, the blonde took in the extremely odd and awkward perspective of a dark and rather dingy room.

He was sprawled out on the ceiling, next to a dusty cobwebbed chandelier. Above him (or below perhaps?) was a black and white floor, like a checker board, on which stood an innocent looking set of garden furniture sitting directly in the centre.

"What the hell?" Deidara whispered, feeling a cruel headache beginning to spark to life. He was worried about moving from his precarious position until in his disoriented state, he remembered that he was in fact a shinobi (regardless of his recent mishap involving a very cheeky rabbit). He channelled chakra into his feet and stood slowly, hands outstretched for balance. He was straightened to his full height now, a smirk on his face as his confidence was restored.

Deidara took a step towards the chandelier…and went clattering towards the actual floor. Flipping in mid-air, he righted himself and landed in a crouch on a white square, before pitching forward to face-plant on the floor.

"Owwwww," he whimpered, pushing himself up off the floor, rubbing at the newest addition to his collection of bruises and injuries.

Hoisting himself up again, Deidara narrowed his eyes at the newest oddity of the weird room.

He was tiny; his head barely reaching the top of one of the chair legs.

"What the hell is going on un?!" the bomber exclaimed, hands on his hips, icy gaze glaring around himself. With a startling growl, he marched towards a door that was his size on the far end of the room. Reaching a hand up, he grasped the dull brass knob and yanked.

The door didn't budge, even a little.

Grinding his teeth in frustration, Deidara tugged even harder, going as far as trying to kick it. Nothing worked.

"Damn you un!" he yelled, seething at the inanimate object. He tugged open his cloak to grab clay from his hip pouches, just to strike thin air. His eyes widened in shock. His clay was _gone_!  
"No!" he hissed, clawing at his waist which now lacked his utility belt, "No no no no no no no! NO!"

He cursed that damn rabbit, grabbing at his hair. Wheeling back around, he searched the room more thoroughly. Squinting, he made out a tiny glass box at the bottom of the table. He edged towards it, crouching to take a closer look. It was just a glass box but inside was more intriguing. It was a cake.

"Something is trying to fuck with me un!" Deidara snapped, opening the little package and lifting the sweet delicately. It was a simple iced bun with pink words 'Eat Me' written on it.

'_May as well_,' he thought with a shrug, taking a bite from one corner.

The effect was almost instant, his body stretching tall, his clothes tearing and ripping away from his form as he became as tall as the room itself, his head brushing the ceiling he had previously stood on.

Heat flooded his cheeks as he now realised that he was naked. He shook that thought off to look towards the table top, where a simple brass key lay next to a bottle. He snatched up the key and set it on the floor. The bottle was purple with a label tied around the neck, the words 'Drink me' inscribed in black ink.

"This place is pissing me off un!" he snarled, chugging the bottle, coughing on the fiery liquid, "Tastes worse than Danna's poisons!"

He dropped the bottle on the ground as he shrunk back down to his previous miniscule size. Shards of the bottle now littered the floor along with the torn scraps of his old clothes. Cursing, he glanced around, eyes falling on a closet that had definitely not been there before. Padding over to it in his bare feet, wary of the glass shards, he opened the door cautiously. Inside, there were several outfits, various colours and styles. One problem remained however.

They were all dresses!

Deidara's blood ran cold at the realisation of the predicament he was now in. He either had to journey through that door and into the unknown naked or wearing a dress.

"Fuck my life un!" he groaned, grabbing the only dress that was all black and modest enough. On a girl, he would have found it quite sexy; on himself he found it extremely humiliating!

The dress was more of a dark grey than black, with full length sleeves that covered his palms, with holes through which he could put his thumbs. There were silver buckles and leather straps going around his forearms and his abdomen, creating a corset like shape. The skirt was almost like a bell which stopped at his knees. He also wore black and white striped tights and black steel toe capped combat boots (the only thing he remotely liked about the outfit).

The blonde glared at his reflection in the old cracked mirror on the door of the closet. What pissed him off the most? He actually looked good.

With a scowl, he marched over to the little door with the blasted key and unlocked it. It opened with a very loud and obnoxious creak that made Deidara wince.

Behind the door, was a small corridor, with a dusty floor made of crooked flagstones. The walls were a dull plum colour, riddled with cracks and missing pieces of plaster which revealed an off white stone underneath, all illuminated by flickering antique candles.

"The hell is this place un?" Deidara murmured, pocketing the key and hurrying down the hall. The clicking of his boots against the floor echoed forebodingly throughout the dreary space.

Towards the end of the corridor was another door, identical to the previous. The blonde snatched out his key and clicked it open. This time as he opened the door, a stream of brilliant warm light flooded the space of the doorway, casting dark elongated shadows the length of the corridor.

Once Deidara's eyes had adjusted to the painful light, he was able to get a good look of the space beyond the door. His breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened. Truly mesmerised, he took a step out of the corridor, barely registering the door swing shut and lock itself independently.

The area before him was like a forest, but not of trees. He was surrounded by towering mushrooms and flowers, positively glowing with their fantastic colours in the bright light. Looking up at the sky, Deidara noted that it was bright purple with no sun in sight; he absently wondered where the light was coming from. He was stood on a set of steps with little streams of pure, crystal clear water racing down on either side. A glance over his shoulder revealed the innocent little door nestled in its frame standing alone. The bomber puzzled over this physical paradox for several minutes until he simply accepted it as fact and hurried down the steps into the mushroom forest. It looked like a much more colourful version of the mushroom forests in Kusa. He remembered going there on a mission with Sasori to steal a scroll.

As his partner popped up in his thoughts, he stopped to ponder if his Danna was looking for him. Was he worried? Probably more annoyed than anything. Or perhaps he had simply fallen asleep under that tree and this was all a dream; a very odd, humiliating dream that he would never ever mention to anyone ever, but still a dream none the less.

He accepted this theory as the most logical and decided to simply roll with it. He continued his exploration of the giant mutant forest. If this was a dream then he was proud that he could come up with such a fantastic place in his sleep. It was truly artistic! But if it blew up it would be even better…

As if reading his mind (or being his mind for that matter) a huge fireball erupted ahead of him, shaking the ground under his feet. He could feel a warmth radiate from what was surely a scorching heat on his face. This just made him wish to investigate. He ran towards it, pouring chakra into his feet to run faster, the dress not even hindering him as he had previously thought it would.

After five minutes of running full speed, he reached the edge of a sizable crater. All life had been eradicated by the explosion, leaving sooty charred earth and a neat ring of mushrooms and flowers, creating a stark contrast between living and dead.

Squinting his visible eye, Deidara made out someone lying in the very centre, seemingly intact. He jumped down into the blast zone and ran over. As he got closer, he realised the person was a woman with bluish, purple hair.

It was Konan!

"Konan-san un!" he yelled, crouching next to her and checking for a pulse. She was a live at least and seemingly unscathed. He gently shook her shoulder. "Wake up. C'mon un."

She groaned a little, hoisting herself up right, shaking her head. Her eyes opened blearily as she glanced over at him. Deidara blushed crimson, realising that Konan was looking at him in a dress. Her eyes widened a little and a grin stretched across her face, very uncharacteristically.

"Don't say a wor-!" Deidara began, when Konan leapt on him with a giggle.

"Oh, you're finally here!" she exclaimed, "About time, silly billy! We've been waiting for ages! Or maybe not that long at all! You could have been waiting for us I suppose!"

Deidara stared at the woman on top of him. Konan, the stoic, beautiful and dangerous right hand of Leader-sama was smiling at him with a grin too large for her face and her teeth very sharp like Kisame's.

"Uhh…" he stumbled around for words but Konan simply hopped off of him and pulled him upright. Standing back a little, Deidara was able to see that she was wearing a skin tight 'cat suit' that was turquoise with purple swirls all over it. The blonde froze when he saw something swaying behind her. It was a tail…Konan had a cats tail and ears!

Upon closer inspection, he also noted that her pupils were slits and her hands and feet were clawed.

"Well don't just stand there gawking!" she exclaimed, breaking him from his stupor, "We have to go and meet the Hatter! He hates people who are late for tea!"

Grabbing Deidara's hand, she ran along a small path, her grin still fixed in place.

"Wait! Konan-san, where are we going un?" he called, tugging his hand back slightly, "Where's that little rabbit?"

Konan glanced back over her shoulder, but never stopped running, or grinning.

"What is a Konan? Must be an ice cream!" she mused, although Deidara had no idea how she came to that conclusion, "Never mind that! You're in the Vale of Tears! We've been waiting for you to arrive here. You're important. That rabbit was late so he's in trouble. Hatter hates waiting! Waiting wastes and waste not want not, not waiting! He'll hate you, waiting is hateful and you made him wait!"

Deidara just blinked, wondering if the 'Hatter' was related to Sasori; he maybe was Sasori. A snicker escaped him at the thought of Sasori hosting tea parties with his puppets.

"We're here~!" Konan sang, skidding to a halt at the end of a very long rectangular table, in the middle of a clearing. At the far end of the table, Deidara saw the Hatter.

And as he thought, it was Sasori. He was wearing a checkered black and red three piece site with a white shirt, huge red bowtie and a large, black top hat with feathers poking out of the red silk ribbon wrapped around it. The attire suited him. The blood drained from his face as he realised Sasori was about to see him wearing a dress. He could only hope that his partner was the same as Konan and didn't know who he was.

"Come along now!" Konan called, throwing the blonde into a chair. He tried to climb out but the chair had other ideas. The arms of what was supposed to be an inanimate object, was wrapped around his torso and the chair scuttled to the far end of the table.

Sasori was staring at a loose thread of the cuff of his sleeve. He glanced up to see Deidara struggling against the chair. The bomber blushed darkly as his partner's chocolate gaze fell to his attire.

"Brat," Sasori said quietly, "Why are you wearing a dress?"

If he could die then and there, Deidara would have happily agreed to spontaneously combust.

"It was the only decent thing I could find un!" he snapped haughtily, "Now where the hell are we and what happened to Konan-san un?"

Sasori shrugged as he absently observed a floating teapot pour him a cup of tea.

"I don't know," he replied, "I was coming back to find you but you had vanished. I followed your trail and it lead to a rabbit hole. I assumed you had fallen down but when I looked down, something pushed me in."

Deidara's eyes widened a little.

"Something pushed me too un," he stated quickly, "I was following this rabbit and-"

Sasori snapped to attention, his glare on full at his young partner.

"You mean we are in the mess because you took a shine to a rabbit?" he exclaimed, "That is ridiculous even by your standards brat!"

"No un!" the blonde growled, "It was talking! And it swore at me, it was acting like Hidan and I got curious!"

Sasori snorted, snatching up his tea cup and taking and angry sip.

"Curiosity killed the cat," he snarled.

"Satisfaction brought it back un," Deidara countered, reaching for his own cup, "Are we really stuck here?"

"I hope not," Sasori muttered, "This suit is itchy. I hate this human body. It's annoying."

The bomber chuckled a little as he set his cup down and glanced up to see Konan returning with a new face, or rather a very familiar face with new features. Deidara's eye twitched a little before he burst into peals of manic laughter, so strong he almost fell out of his chair. Sasori followed his partner's shaking finger, which pointed to his source of amusement, and felt his lips twitch upwards at the sight.

Standing next to Konan, was Hidan…with fluffy white rabbit ears and a flowery pink waistcoat, ¾ length beige trousers and a clock on a thick gold chain hanging around his neck. His eyes darted frantically around the clearing before landing on the artists.

"You did fucking follow!" he cried, scampering over, his ears and nose twitching with excitement, "See Cat? Fucking told you it would work!"

"Yes yes, I see that Rabbit," Konan said, waving him away and slinking over to the rather confused artist duo. Hidan pattered along behind her, eyes flickering this way and that. Sasori piped up.

"Why are we here?" he demanded, getting straight to the point. Deidara almost sighed with relief; perhaps he could get the answers out of them.

"Why! You are here to save Wonderland of course!" Konan all but squealed with joy, clapping her hands together, "And about time too! We've been waiting for ages! And that makes you a hypocrite Hatter!"

"My name is Sasori!" the puppet master snapped, crossing his arms, "And I don't know what you speak of. "We've never heard of 'Wonderland' and we aren't supposed to be here."

"You say such funny things Hatter!" Konan giggled, before her face turned stern but still with that inhuman grin on her face, "Now we must take Alice to Caterpillar! Rabbit, lead the way!"

The pair of Akatsuki animal hybrids turned on their heels and went to march out of the clearing. When neither Sasori nor Deidara moved, Konan glanced back, amber eyes glinting in the shadows of the mushroom forest.

"Who the hell is Alice un?" the blonde demanded, stubbornly remaining seated. The neko rolled her eyes.

"You are!" she exclaimed, "My my, you and Hatter really do enjoy your games! Next thing you know, you'll be saying you don't know why a raven is like a writing desk!"

Deidara blinked several times, wondering just what the hell was going on. Why did he have to be the one wearing a dress? And who the hell was Alice anyway?

Sasori seemed to sense his young partner's mini mental break down and opted to grab his arm and pull him up towards Konan, whose tail was flickering with impatience.

"Okay, to Caterpillar!" she cheered, slinking through the mushrooms towards Hidan. The artists trailed after them, Deidara staying a lot closer to Sasori than he usually would, for fear of getting lost alone in this insanity.

"Danna un?" he murmured, tugging at the redhead's sleeve.

"What is it brat?" he grunted in reply.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk un?"

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**_No one has ever given me an answer to that question actually...I really would like to know. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the first chapter and prologue. Please review if you spot spelling or grammatical errors, if the characters are out (ignore the altered characters they're supposed to be crazy, I mean Sasori and Deidara!) or if you just want to tell me I did okay! :3 All reviews encouraged, constructive criticism please, slagging isn't appreciated! :D_**


	3. Oh Wise Blue SharkuhCaterpillar?

_**I apologise greatly for the long wait here but yeah...exams...the bane of everyone's life. So here is chapter two of this story which I hope will be a success since it is the first story that I have ever bothered to plan out from start to finish. That is indeed correct, I have a plot for this...**_

_**So I shall now apologise for any mistakes in grammar or spelling as I am too lazy to actually proofread other than run a spellcheck. So without further ado, Deidara disclaimer!**_

_**Deidara: *sulks in a corner***_

_**Authoress: Uh...what's wrong with him?"**_

_**Sasori: You've made him wear a dress for the last chapter.**_

_**Authoresss: Well...he is definitely going to hate me then...**_

_**Deidara: My masculinity is questioned enough without you perverted women un!**_

_**Authoress: Do disclaimer and I shall let you were trousers again!**_

_**Deidara: Chasing owns nothing cause she sucks un! Now gimme them trousers!"**_

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The Vale of Tears was possibly the most beautiful place that Deidara had ever seen in his rather short but experienced life. As he and Sasori journeyed through it after Hidan and Konan- or 'Rabbit' and 'Cat' as they now called each other- the blonde was constantly captivated by something new, like the floating marbles or domino tiles that grew on trees. Sasori had to physically drag his partner away from the patch of flowers that changed colour in a wave of rainbows. Though Sasori found it all interesting as well, nothing seemed to remain constant, it all changed, completely disregarding his view of art.

"How much farther?" he called to Konan, who was walking along a thin tree branch above their heads.

"Always wanting to know things!" she chuckled, "Enjoy the journey! Every destination is the death of an adventure."

Sasori rolled his eyes, noticing Deidara do the same. At least they could both agree on their hatred for riddles.

"A destination means the beginning of something new as well un," the bomber retorted, "So when do we get there?"

"Oh Blondie is good!" Konan squealed, jumping onto the forest floor, "As a reward, I'll answer!"

Deidara smirked triumphantly at his Danna, who shrugged a little.

"We'll get there when we get there!"

Deidara face planted.

"That wasn't an answer at all un!" he snapped, pulling grass from his dress, "I want exact times!"

Sasori snickered as Konan promptly ignored his partner, prancing past the pair, as Deidara stood with crossed arms and a pout on his face.

"If you stop fucking talking, we would get there much fucking faster!" Hidan shouted from up ahead. The artist duo exchanged shocked glances at the sight of the Jashinist using logic…the rabbit features had been mind-numbing enough.

They continued on in mostly silence, Deidara looking around still, Sasori deep in thought. A pain filled and strangled cry broke both Akatsuki from their own little worlds as they immediately prepared for an attack…which never came. Cautiously, they both came across Konan and Hidan both crouched next to a motionless figure.

It was a girl with wings instead of arms. Deidara's eyes widened at the sight of the fiery orange and red feathers that covered the wings and most of her back and chest. Konan sobbed as she ran her hands through the soft feathers. Sasori knelt cautiously on the opposite side, placing too fingers on the bird girl's neck.

"Danna?" the bomber murmured, earning a shake of the head from the puppet.

"She's gone," he muttered, standing up. Konan wailed into Hidan's shoulder as the male simply stared down at the girl with a stony face.

"This is what fucking happens here now!" he snarled, "The Red King is a tyrant over these lands!"

"The Red King with the black heart!" Konan wept, "We're all his pretty cards to play!"

Hidan hushed her softly before turning his glare towards the duo.

"This is why we need to destroy him!" he stated harshly, "We fight for the White King!"

"The handsome White King!" Konan said with a soft smile.

"Wait, what's happening here un?" Deidara asked curiously, glancing between the three figures, both alive and dead.

Konan stood up, her face wet with tearstains but eyes glittering with hope.

"The White King is the rightful ruler of Wonderland," she explained, admiration and adoration in her tone, "But he was betrayed!"

"By this Red King?" Sasori queried. Konan nodded, her expression growing dark.

"He tricked the White King away from his kingdom and by the time he realised what had happened, the Red King had already formed an army to fight him away," she growled, "We need to put the rightful king back on his throne or Wonderland will fall under his spell!"

"As the red moon rises, everyone will become his slave," Hidan muttered gravely.

Sasori frowned and looked over at Deidara who was deep in thought, his eyes yet to leave the body of the dead winged woman, who Hidan had left to rest under the shelter of a huge mushroom. The blonde looked sad, yet determined.

"What should we do un?" he asked, turning to Konan. The neko grinned widely, that strange grin that was too large for her face.

"If you are indeed the champions we need, then just by being here you are already setting the battle in motion!" she exclaimed, "We will take back the throne in the name of the White King and all of Wonderland will flourish under the rule of the true monarch!"

Sasori rolled his eyes, grabbing Deidara's slim arm and dragging him off.

"Brat, we need to find a way out of here!" he snapped, "We do not have the time to get caught up in this ridiculous fairy-tale!"

Deidara ripped his arm out of the puppet's harsh grip, his expression fierce.

"No Danna!" he snarled, "I am sick of that damn organisation! If this is the only freedom I'm gonna get in a while, I'm taking it un! Besides," he cast a glance around, "I like it here."

Sasori stood silently for a moment, eyes narrowed and sharp, as if daring the blonde to keep going. Once he refused to budge, Sasori sighed.

"Fine," he muttered, "Just this once, we'll do this your way."

"Thank you Danna un!" Deidara exclaimed with a grin and a nod. Konan and Hidan exchanged smirks before turning to continue down the pathway, leaving the corpse to rest quietly under the mushroom.

A silence passed over them, surprisingly comfortable, only broken by the creatures that dwelled and the odd bell like chime that had sounded every now and then.

"Ah here we are!" Konan cheered, slipping into a gap exposed in the trunk of a very knotted looking tree. Hidan hopped (no pun intended) in after her, followed by an irked redhead and a curious blonde.

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It was extremely dark and cramped as they followed a tunnel downwards. The earthy floor, walls and ceiling did little to quell Deidara's nerves as they ventured through it. He definitely preferred to fly…

"Up here!" Konan called, her tail twitching as light flooded the tiny space from a newly revealed passage.

The group climbed out and found themselves in an oriental temple, with tapestries and pretty water features. There was a softly tune filling the air from an unknown source as moonlight lit up the open courtyard. Looking up, Deidara and Sasori marvelled together at the stormy looking sky, clouds rolling silently in hues of purple through to greys and yellows.

"Wow un," Deidara murmured, earning a smirk from the puppet master next to him.

"This way!" Konan called from across the courtyard, "Don't dawdle."

Both Sasori and Deidara followed, walking slowly towards her, as she turned into a large chamber. It was filled with smoke, and immediately upon entrance, Deidara knew that the smoke was some kind of drug as he felt lightheaded and floaty; Sasori felt nothing being a puppet.

A throaty chuckle was heard through the haze as the four stepped forward. A swirl appeared in the cloud, revealing a very blue face and a sharp toothed grin.

"Who are you?" queried the blue face of…

"Kisame?" the artists offered slightly stupidly, blinking in surprise. A booming laughter escaped the incarnate of Kisame before them.

"No you silly fools, I am Caterpillar!" he exclaimed, "And you two are the artists, Hatter, Alice?"

"Sasori!"

"Deidara un!"

Several pairs of eyes blinked in surprise.

"You are not Hatter and Alice?" Kisame or Caterpillar demanded, "This is strange! You are depicted here defeating the Red King!"

Immediately, a figure moved in, holding up a scroll. It was Kakuzu. He silently pulled the scroll open and allowed it to roll past the feet of Sasori. He bent down to examine it, Deidara following his movements quickly. Their eyes narrowed onto a picture, which appeared to be slowly moving.

It clearly depicted Sasori and Deidara, back to back, wielding almost identical katanas, fighting off an army. They were both grinning and even winning. Sasori smirked a little as he looked to the next tile, seeing Deidara get cocky and stylishly attack another enemy. Moving to the next tile, his blood ran cold.

Deidara was dying.

On the page, red ink was slowly bleeding from his chest as the drawing of himself held him in his arms.

"That's quite enough," Kakuzu uttered coldly, pulling the scroll back and retreating into the shadows. Sasori glanced towards his partner, who looked rather sombre as he gazed up at Kisame's face, the rest of his body obscured in the smoke.

"So…it is in fact you," he mused, "Then so be it. Keeper, present the Twin Blades."

Again, Kakuzu emerged from the shadows, this time holding a long wooden case. Opening it, he presented the katanas shown in the scroll. Cautiously, Sasori stepped forward and took them both, handing one to Deidara, he unsheathed his own, examining the shiny, sharp blade.

"These will be your weapons," Kisame stated, "You will be given sixty days to perfect your handling. Then the trials may begin."

"What trials un?" Ask Deidara, as he looked over the weapon in his hands. Kisame chuckled again, blowing more smoke around the chamber.

"The trials to prove that you are in fact our true champions," he explained, "We only have a single chance and the day of the confrontation is almost upon us. You must be the true champions or this whole operation will fail and Wonderland shall cease to exist as we know it."

"Sounds fair enough un," the blonde muttered to himself, sheathing the sword and turning to Sasori, "Let's train Danna."

* * *

Unfortunately a dress and a three piece suit were hardly fitting outfits to train in sword play so Kakuzu had presented them with new outfits. To Deidara's chagrin, it was still a dress, though this one was more similar to a Kimono, with dark blue material however the skirts were much more manoeuvrable.

Sasori's new clothes were simply a dark blue gi and red sash. After being given their swords, both artists were taken to a new location within the temple. This area consisted of a courtyard, with soft blue stone flooring and a perimeter of sand running along the edges of the training area. The sand was arranged in a form of intricate patterns that depicted fish in a river. Eight pillars were erected proudly at each corner of the arena, which was an octagonal shape and they held up a rich green tiled roof covering a walkway, which led off to various rooms, including a bedroom, washroom, hot spring and armoury.

"Nice un!" Deidara mused, looking around at the structure and colours, "I like the bubbles!"

Sasori rolled his eyes as the blonde ran over to inspect a series of copper pipes which spiralled the pillars, emitting large bubbles from holes running the length of them. The childish bomber attempted to catch them and pop them with a slightly dopey grin etched on his tanned face.

"I think the smoke Kisame was puffing everywhere has gotten to you," he sighed, inspecting the sand drawings, "Although this is much more relaxing than back at base."

The pair remained silent, admiring their surroundings with the critical eyes and minds of true artists.

"Having fun?" Konan called as she swung down from the walkway roof, "You may enjoy this place for sixty days! Then you will endure the tasks!"

With that, she vanished behind a pillar.

"So, shall we start un?" Deidara asked eagerly, "I don't use swords much!"

Sasori unsheathed his new blade and stood facing his partner with a smirk.

"Let's hope your swordsmanship isn't as bad as your taijutsu," he teased, the image of his dead partner flashing across his mind. Deidara pouted and held his own katana at the ready.

"I'm not that bad un!"

Then they charged forward.

* * *

**_So I hope this was worth the wait...probably not. Anyway, before you guys get bored of me I have a question to ask. May you give me your opinion on a new storyline I have an idea for. I have no idea if it as been done before so I would like honest opinions and stuff here. Okay the plot is as follows: 'While on a mission, Deidara is poisoned leaving Sasori twenty-four hours to create the antidote (generic but bear with me!) The antidote leaves Deidara temporarily blind and he must now rely on the puppet master to become his 'eyes'.' Vague I know but I think it has potential however I have been wrong before. So! Tell me what you think and remember I check new stories on Fanfiction every day for these two characters (woman obsessed over here peeps!) so if you steal this idea and post it, I will see it, I will be upset and I will find you. If someone has posted a plot like this before me, no harm done, I'll drop the idea._**

**_Anyway, toodle pip!_**


	4. All Work and No Play

_**Hey everyone, sorry it's been a while but I was away on holiday for two weeks then when I got back I was really ill but I'm back and better than ever! I've completed my Misa Amane cosplay for Nomcon and I turned eighteen last month. So everything is fab at the moment and I found time to write today.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

* * *

"Danna can't we have a break un?" Deidara called, his shoulders heaving with every panting breath and sweat beads rolling down his temples. Sasori scowled a little, his puppet body completely unaffected by the intense workouts he was inflicting on the blonde. Honestly, Deidara's swordsmanship was as dire as his taijutsu and the puppet master wasn't prepared to rely on him in a battle just yet.

"No, you need to get this right or these 'trials' will be the end of us," he stated dryly, rushing towards the bomber, preparing to strike. With a yelp, the younger man just managed to raise his blade to block another harsh blow, but the strike knocked him backwards onto his behind in a very unrefined fashion.

"Ouch un!" he growled, glaring up at Sasori, "I get that but if you keep pushing me so damn hard then I'm gonna die before we even get to the damn trials! Gimme a break un!"

Sasori rolled his eyes, before offering a hand to Deidara, which he gladly accepted, clambering to his feet.

"We've only been training for a little while," the puppet muttered as the blonde sheathed his sword.

"_Little while_ un?!" he squawked, "You've been beating me up for the past week! With no breaks!"

Sasori blinked slowly.

"Oh."

"Oh is right Danna! My arms are gonna fall off un!" Deidara whined, turning on his heel, "And they're giving us free hot springs! We need to take advantage of this!"

Sasori smirked a little and followed the eager blonde, who suddenly discovered a new burst of life at the prospect of a nice hot soak in the hot spring.

"Kakuzu is rubbing off on you," stated Sasori as they stepped into a small changing room filled with fluffy white towels.

Deidara was hardly listening to him as he stripped out of his kimono (ironically, he had tried several times to steal male clothing but odd things kept happening; he would steal the right size just for it to shrink to the size of a doll as he made his way back to his room. Once he tried putting on the clothing before leaving but then it changed colour and style without him even noticing...) grabbed a towel and waltzed out towards the hot springs.

Each looked to be individually carved out of pure white rock, however, knowing this place, it was probably a natural occurrence. Deidara slipped into the closest one and sighed happily as the water came up to his chest. Sasori walked out slowly, sliding into the water, on the opposite side of the circular bath.

"See? You feel better now un," the blonde announced, his eyes shut lazily as he rinsed his hair in the hot water. Sasori rolled his eyes before reclining and simply resting in the water.

"Whatever you say brat. But we are going straight back to training after this."

Deidara pouted as he dunked his head beneath the surface of the water, thoroughly soaking his blonde mass of hair. Resurfacing, he whipped his hair over his shoulder, flicking water at the puppet master.

"Why are we training so hard un?" he queried, "It's not like we've never done more difficult missions before."

Sasori scowled at the seemingly oblivious blonde.

"We have no idea how to gauge any enemy we may face in this…_place_," he snapped (he refused to acknowledge the concept of alternate dimensions and worlds! It was ridiculous!), "And because of this, we must be ready to face unimaginably powerful opponents."

"C'mon Danna, we can take 'em un!" he exclaimed, "We're Akatsuki! We're the best of the best un!"

"If I remember correctly brat, you only got in by the skin of your teeth," the puppeteer snapped, "You're the youngest, most inexperienced and most hotheaded egotistical _child _I have ever met! So believe me when I tell you that you _need _this training!"

Deidara bristled, standing up straight in the hot spring, his face red from steam and rage and his hands planted firmly on his hips. Sasori blinked slightly, looking anywhere but at his suddenly exposed partner; honestly he had no shame whatsoever.

"You have no faith in me at all un!" he exclaimed indignantly, "Even when we first met, you wrote me off as the 'early death type'! Why don't you trust me?!"

"I only put my faith in something reliable," Sasori retorted, his eyes narrowed sharply, "And you are the 'early death type', you rush into battle with no plan thinking that explosions are the answer to everything! You have no tact or survival instinct! How am I supposed to put faith in someone who could die so easily?"

Deidara sneered down at the puppeteer, before turning his back and clambering out of the hot spring. He grabbed his towel and stalked out of the bathing area.

"If I'm so useless, you can do these damn tasks yourself un!" he shouted, "Or you can just hope I die during them!"

He slammed the door shut dramatically behind him as Sasori simply stared on after his blonde partner. Sighing to himself, he climbed out of the water and wrapped his towel around him.

"You're rather rude to him aren't you?"

Sasori whipped around to find Konan draped over a tree limb, grinning down at him, eyes gleaming and ears twitching. The puppet master unconsciously gripped his towel tighter, not wanting her to see his puppet body too well.

"And why would you care?" he demanded, "How the brat and I interact has nothing to do with you, as long as we kill your Red King right?"

Konan rolled her eyes, shifting to hang upside down, still grinning that face splitting grin.

"It matters if Alice is too distraught to fulfil his task," she mused, "If you fight divided you become divided. You're not the only ones who can wield swords here."

Sasori watched her carefully, eyes narrow and analytical.

"That is why I must be hard on him," he murmured, "It is for selfish reasons."

Konan snickered, her tail waving around as she flipped back on the branch and walked back and forth.

"Then let him know that!" she stated, leaning backwards to look at him upside down, "Show Alice you mean well! Keep Alice happy and Wonderland is happy!"

"His name is Deidara," he snapped, turning away from the neko and heading back inside.

"Then why call him brat?" she challenged, laughing all the while.

"Because he is one."

* * *

It would be an understatement to say that the relationship between Deidara and Sasori was strained. They avoided each other except when they had to train. Even then, Sasori did all the talking, leaving Deidara to simply glare at him or grunt in acknowledgment, whether it was in response to criticism or praise.

A week before the trials, Sasori was growing rather desperate (internally of course, his face was forever blank) with Konan's warning in the back of his mind and the image of Deidara dying appearing every time he closed his eyes. He would have to confront the stubborn blonde.

"Deidara," he called, opening the sliding door to the bomber's sleeping quarters. Said ninja was sitting polishing his sword, his brow furrowed in concentration. His hair was down, making him look more feminine, combined with the midnight blue kimono. Sasori had to stop for a moment, still unused to Deidara looking so delicate when he would always exaggerate his masculinity to prevent taunts from other Akatsuki members.

"Brat," he called out, walking into the room slowly. He was ignored, which irked him somewhat at the boy's childish behaviour. "Deidara!"

"What un?"

Sasori was again surprised by the tone of voice that his partner was using. Instead of angry, irritated or even just grumpy, he sounded tired and emotionally drained. The puppet master sat down before him, bringing his face up to meet his own cool brown gaze.

"We need to talk," he stated simply, "These trials are a week away and I'd rather neither of us got killed over a petty grudge."

Deidara snorted, sliding his blade back into the sheath.

"If you're so concerned, do the trails yourself," he muttered, "I'll just get killed. My death date is close anyway according to you un."

"Don't say that!" Sasori snapped, clenching his fist, "You have improved greatly. It's you're stupid grudges that are the problem. Haven't you ever learned to let something go?"

The blonde sighed, setting his sword aside, before looking up at his red haired partner.

"You mean…I've improved un?" he queried softly. Sasori nodded curtly.

"I was teaching you, what did you expect?" he smirked, his arms crossed. Deidara scowled at him, shoving his shoulder a little.

"Smug bastard un," he growled, "You didn't teach me, you just beat the shit outta me for weeks!"

"And in doing that, you have learned to wield a sword effectively," Sasori retorted, "Therefore my teaching methods were very effective."

"You have an answer for everything don't you un?"

"Naturally."

"Damn un!"

* * *

The two males stood before Kisame-or Caterpillar now- silently as he blew out some smoke around them, causing Deidara's eyes to water.

"So you are ready now," he mused, "Very well. I shall give you your first task."

Both the puppet master and the explosives artist listened intently to the absolutely ridiculous task that was being assigned to them. Never again would either of them think that any of the missions Pein sent them on would be as farfetched and downright weird as this one.

* * *

**_The next chapter sees to some of the trials. There should be three because odd numbers are always more aesthetically pleasing...yeah. So, I'm really looking forward to the next Con I go to. This will be my third one and second time cosplaying. I have to wear a corset with the dress since it's quite fitted and I'm not the skinniest! But it looks really good! So next chapter will be up as soon as I can post it._**


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